Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
