I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
