The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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