I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pooping to opera.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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