Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
