i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize