Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
