Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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