I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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