someone owes me an orgasm
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
