why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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