if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
