I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
