Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
