It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
