1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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