I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
