my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The uberlube is also flammable
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
