I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
