your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
