I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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