The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
