I am in a vortex of obligation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
