Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
