I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dicks are not precious.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
