I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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