So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
