She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
