Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize