Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
