Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
