By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
