i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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