"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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