i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
