we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
