I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
