I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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