i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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