if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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