Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
