am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
