i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
