no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize