some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
