No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
