You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize