the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
