After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
