what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
