Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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