bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
