Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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