quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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