Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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