wanna go halves on a baby?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
