Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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