Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
