I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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