Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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