there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
