Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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