So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
