Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
