Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
