Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
