i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
